Once upon a time in a boring class, I penned down the poem below.



ON THE VERGE OF ENNUI


On this memorable day in March,
the classroom was filled but only to half,
awaiting the day's academic to drive the morning chill.
Arrive he did, adorned in an over-sized shirt and tie.
His voice punctuated the silence he had caused,
as hungry vessels stared obliviously at the board.
He solved equations without writing, only his word.
By the time he said he was done,
half the half that came had gone.
Time was gone way more than a watch could tell.
All bolted for the wall a calendar would suffice.
The only consolation is now they can go eat rice.
I'm on the verge of ennui,
that's why I'm writing this.

SHYNESS IS NOT INSURMOUNTABLE

If you are reading this, I'm guessing you might have already gobbled tons of materials on how not to be shy. Whether these books work or not-well I don’t know that. One thing is certain though - there is no overnight trick to overcoming shyness. It is a disorder that takes years to suppress and many more years to overcome. So forget it, you won’t become an extrovert overnight. However, I'm being no naysayer here. It is no easy road but it is not beyond you. Overcoming shyness is akin to removing a veil of your face. It could literally hurl you into a world of unending opportunities. Shyness can be caused by a variety of things ranging from genetic factors and interpersonal difficulties to family experiences and peer victimization. It doesn’t matter what caused it. You can defeat it. I've compiled a list of steps that could serve as efficient tools in your struggle with shyness. 

 

Steps for combating shyness (in no particular order)

1.       DON'T RUN OUT OF UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS

There are situations you should be familiar with. That family reunion or event with relatives, a meeting with old school mates and so on. Shy people find these situations rather overwhelming. The key to staying atop these situations is simple. Don’t run away from unfamiliar situations. On the contrary familiarize yourself with these situations. Yes, I know they can be very intimidating at first. But believe me don’t run if you want to learn to handle this awkwardness. It can only get easier and better for you in your quest to overcome bashfulness and diffidence.

2.       SELF REASSURANCE

It is no myth. Some ‘very low’ and insecure individuals will try to profit from your social anxiety (this must be familiar). They would use you to make them feel better about themselves (I’ll teach you how not to let them).  You can belong to that group too if you are overly critical of yourself. This is how it works. If you don’t feel good about yourself, no one will feel good about you. Never sell yourself short. Stop doubting yourself, embrace who you are and don’t stop believing in yourself.  It is basic psychology. You would believe whatever you tell yourself. Tell yourself how awesome or handsome you are or whatever. But seriously, enough of the negativity. Really, put pen to paper and highlight your strengths, memorize them and don’t stop reciting them in your head wherever you go.  Let it serve as your suit of armor. Also, surround yourself with supportive people.

3   HOLD PRACTICE SESSIONS

It is also important that you relive your shy moments. True, by reliving these moments you unearth pain as well. However, you need to since it would help you gain a better understanding of your shyness. Consider how you felt on the occasion, what caused it (is it the people, the place or just because of your social ineptitude) and what you could have done to better the situation. Practice being in an uncomfortable situation. Also, make a list of situations that could trigger your shyness. Visualize and think deeply about these situations and then practice social skills that are pertinent to these situations. Skills like good eye contact and a warm, welcoming smile can never be overemphasized or underestimated. If not anything, they leave a good impression about you in the minds of people which is especially important as most people misunderstand shy people (shyness can be misunderstood for pomposity or discourtesy). Shun or embrace it, it is a time-tested fact that success in overcoming shyness is directly proportional to your regularity in holding these sessions. Practice sessions will help transform your most difficult situations into safe havens. So don’t joke with it. As part of your sessions, record your successes. They will help you gain the momentum for further successes.

4.       YOU ARE NOT AT THE HELM OF AFFAIRS

Self consciousness is a common factor in the lives of many shy people. By now you’re probably bored, mad and done with books telling you that you need not be self conscious as the world is not built around you. People are caught up in some other things than you. Whilst this is almost true in its entirety, the reason you are cross with these books is that you know these things but you just can’t get your subconscious to stop being so self conscious. Well, I will teach you. But that is as far as I can go. I won’t glue it to the inside of your head. If you don’t practice, you won’t learn. Depending on your situation, try the following (I’m sure you will thank me later):

a.       Cast your mind back to fun events that occurred in times past

b.      Concentrate on the moment

c.       Admire your surroundings(people, buildings, etc)

d.      Engage in a conversation (difficult, I agree but do it with all the will power at your disposal)

e.      Go with a trusted and true friend

f.        Breathe and make body movements(try not to freeze)

5.       READ GOOD BLOGS (like this one)

Read first hand experiences by people who have defeated their seemingly insurmountable shyness.

Getting the better of shyness comes with time and experience. Do not hesitate, start now.

“Do not wait. The time will never be ‘just right’. Start where you stand and make use of whatever tools you have at your command. Better tools you will find as you move along”- Napoleon Hill  

image - mylot.com

Temperaments And How It Affects You

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Temperament influences everything you do; from sleep habits to study habits to eating styles to the way you get along with other people. Humanly speaking, there is no other influence in your life more powerful than your temperament or combinations of temperaments. That is why it is so essential to know your temperaments and to be able to analyze other people’s temperaments, not to condemn them, but so you can maximize your potential and enable to maximize theirs.

     Temperament is defined as a person’s nature as shown in the way they behave or react to situations or people. It is the combination of traits we inherited from our parents. No one knows where it resides, but it is thought to be somewhere in the mind or emotional centre (often referred to as the heart). It is temperament that makes some people art and music enthusiasts while others are sports or industry minded.

   Although early home life, training, education and motivation also exercise powerful influences on our actions through life, temperament is however the number one influence on a person’s life, not only because it is the first thing that affects us but because like body structure, color of eyes and other physical characteristics, it escorts us through life.

The heart of the temperament theory divides people into four namely

Ø  Sanguine

Ø  Choleric

Ø  Melancholy

Ø  Phlegmatic

Each temperament type has both strengths and weakness that from a distinct part of his make up throughout life. Once a person diagnoses his own basic temperament, he is better equipped to ascertain what vocational opportunities he is suited for and what natural weakness he’ll have to combat.

    To start with sanguine, Sanguines are buoyant and lively and are so outgoing that they are usually considered super extroverts. Sanguine never lack friends because they can genuinely feel the joys and sorrows of the person he meets. Their noisy, blustering, friendly ways make them appear more confident than they really are but their energy and lovable disposition get him by the rough spots of life. In summary, sanguines are outgoing, responsible, warm, friendly, talkative, enthusiastic and compassionate. On the minus, they have the potential of being undisciplined, emotionally unstable, unproductive, egocentric and exaggerate a lot.

        
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Cholerics tend to be decisive and opinionated finding it easy to make decisions both for themselves and other people. Cholerics are also extroverts but not nearly as intense as sanguines. In summary, cholerics are strong willed, independent, visionary, practical, productive, decisive and a leader. Their potential weaknesses may also include being cold & emotional, self sufficient, impetuous, domineering, unforgiving, sarcastic, angry and cruel.

Melancholy is the richest of all the temperaments. He is gifted, analytic, aesthetic, self-sacrificing, industrious and self- disciplined. By nature he is prone to be an introvert but since his feelings predominate, he is given to a variety of moods. Prominent among his weaknesses are the fact that he can be moody, self-centered, vengeful, touchy, theoretical, unsociable, critical and sometimes negative.

Last but equally important is the phlegmatic temperament. The phlegmatic is the calm, easy going, never-get-upset individual with such a high boiling point that he almost never becomes angry. He is by nature the most likeable of all the temperaments. The phlegmatic is also dependable, objective, diplomatic, efficient, organized, practical and humorous. However, they can sometimes tend to be unmotivated, procrastinators, selfish, stingy, self-protective, indecisive, fearful and worries a lot.

In conclusion, we are all a blend of at least two temperaments. Evaluating the potential strengths and weaknesses of your temperament will help you get the best out of yourself and be that person you have always wanted to be.

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source: tim la haye "why you act the way you do"